NAME: Wan Der Lenin (Aliases: "Object №0", "Moomin-Troll")

STATUS: Bureaucratic Anomaly / Incorporeal Entity

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I. THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL PARADOX

Intelligence confirms that Wan Der Lenin is not a biological organism, but a mass of formaldehyde mist that escaped a Soviet-era Eastern colony mausoleum during a ventilation malfunction. It maintains a physical form solely through the raw power of bureaucratic inertia and luxury tailoring.

II. TECHNICAL ANOMALIES OF EXISTENCE

• The Shift-Passport: Its identification smells of 1924 ink. The photo shifts constantly: one moment a stern leader in a cap, the next a pale lady (resembling Ursula von der Leyen) in a European scarf.
• Duty Free Habit: It is frequently observed standing inside industrial refrigerators to "stabilize its ethereal structure."
• Office Magic: When Subject enters a room, cacti don't wither—they instantly turn into plastic. Nature instinctively recognizes that life has no place here.

III. WORK STYLE: "DEATH BY REGULATION"

Subject’s primary talent is the simulation of frantic, productive activity that results in zero net progress. She is the architect of the "Dead Hand" Principle: Any project she touches enters a state of eternal suspended animation within a 4,000-page directive.

• Nutrition: It requires no food. It feeds exclusively on the energy of subordinate disappointment and the scent of freshly printed reporting forms.
• Hygiene: Instead of perfume, it uses air freshener with the scent of "Basement in October" and a light trail of mothballs.

IV. MEETINGS: "VOICE FROM THE ABYSS"

Communication style is a mix of revolutionary pathos and bureaucratic ice. Sound does not emerge from its mouth, but feels as if it originates from the ventilation. Its secretary—a 5th-generation medium—records minutes via "automatic writing" on an encrypted Ouija board.

V. SECURITY & DIPLOMACY

Threats: Subject does not fear assassins. The primary threats are industrial vacuum cleaners or a janitor with a rag soaked in turpentine. It travels in a reinforced limo with a cryo-chamber driven by a deaf-mute taxidermist.

Summit Glitches: During summits, it often "freezes." This is not deep thought, but simply an ectoplasm depletion preventing verticality.